What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
