I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
