He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
