I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
