So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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