Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My liver just had a heart attack.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
