I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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