Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
