I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
