Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
