if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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