She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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