Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
