every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
