i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
