Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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