Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
