somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
