remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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