my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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