My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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