just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
