I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
