Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
