i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
