I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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