Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
