dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
