Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
