Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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