Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
