My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
