a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
