ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
