Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
