I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
