so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
