Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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