Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
