yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
