My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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