I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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