He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize