Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
