i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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