I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize