God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
