Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
