How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize