return my video game
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
