I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
