Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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