I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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