I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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