If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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