Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
