dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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