Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
