yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
