Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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