So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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