I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
