dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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