Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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