I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
