pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You ruined the universe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
