Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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