evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
