his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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