You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
