I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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